Hello insomnia, my old friend.  

Funny how I can't sleep every time I try to get ready for a day on water.  Handy when you have to pack, I guess...

Signed up for JLPT yesterday, exam's in July, so I have three months to prepare for that.  I wasn't sure whether I should go for level 1 or 2, so I flipped a coin and it says one.  I think I'm okay with vocabs and readings, and maybe kanjis, what I don't have is grammar. 

Been going through JLPT1 grammar/ vocabs today, I'm onto the Sa-column vocabularies now.  Should be a piece of cake once the A-column and Ka-columns are over.

Oh, and I'm stuck on this igo-problem.  It can't be that difficult.  Problem is, I don't even know what's the objective.  I thought I was supposed to save the three black stones on the top left, but the computer says "you failed." before those stones are captured... what gives?

Back on the water tomorrow, even if the observatory puts on a thunderstorm warning.  Life's short, I shouldn't be so lazy.  Anyway, I noticed I'm a lot more willing to capsize these days.  Back in 2006/2007, every time I work on underwater drills, I always tried to wear nose-clip or diving mask to protect my sinus.  These days, I just don't care any more.  Also, when I roll up, I'm a lot more relaxed.  I'm sure that contributes to the better success rates in rolling.  I even managed to roll out on port side a few times. 

Dug out my Jakarta-pop T-shirt from my old suitcase.  Am listening to Peterpan and Radja as I blog.  And I had to wonder why I couldn't sleep :p~

Water-logged

Been working pretty hard on basic kayaking skills since grandma's funeral.  I get like that sometimes.  Like I need to push myself beyond my limits and bleed a little, just to confirm I'm alive.

I've been on the water everyday since the funeral.  Funny I couldn't even keep course in the morning on the 16th; but by lunch time I was paddling standing up :)  

It's indecent that I should have so much fun right after my grandma's vigil, especially since I was supposed to be at the cremation that morning.  But paddling near the 8-Goddesses felt as though grandma was watching over me.

I've been working on:

1) deep-water re-entry (cockpit reentry) -- (pretty good)

2) C-to-C rolling -- pretty good (90% success)

3) sculling for supports while I float horizontally on the water surface and the kayak tilted 90 degrees (shaky ... still working on it)

4) High brace turn (180)

5) low brace turn (180)

6) X-rescue, all-in capsize (need better communication)

7) swimming in canoe (gosh, it's hard work!)

8) carrying patient(s) on bow, stern, and both (not bad)

9) towing (V, long tow, chain tow)  (so so, need to work on strength)

10) deep water emptying (no success)

11) brace for support while moving forward at high speed (easy)

12) Cross bow rudder (easy)

13) Eskimo rescue -- paddle presentation (I forgot how to place the paddle!)

IMO the dragonfly-style deep water emptying technique is bovine.  I would re-enter and bail water out in any RL situation.

Anyway, Dennis ditched ... I mean, postponed our trip this weekend, so I think I'll do a solo.  I was tempted to camp on Double Island, god knows I can use some quiet time.   But I don't have my camp gears together yet, plus, I want to see the canoe polo game on Sunday.  So I'll probably end up doing a day trip on Saturday and then just rest on Sunday.

I was hoping to start a water-marathon: i.e. spend at least a few hours on water everyday, regardless of the weather -- including T8 and thunderstorm -- for, say, a month.  This is actually a good time to start, since I've been going at it for a week already and my body is already starting to ignore the pain signal.  Unfortunately, I think Denny will kill me if I don't go to the canoe-polo game.  

BTW, the two collisions near Lamma really freaked me out.  I was riding the train when I saw the news, and right away fear exploded inside.  I know how foggy that channel gets, but I  always assumed ferries and tankers are equipped with GPS and anti-collision system, AND that they use them.  But apparently not.

I will be a LOT more careful -- I mean paranoid -- when I paddle that part of HK again.

Tai Po Eight Goddesses 

I stayed up all night last night to "keep vigil" for grandma.  In reality I just couldn't sleep.  I thought I would go crazy if I sat in my room any longer so I took the first bus out of Disco Bay to the Airport, then took the Tai Po Bus from the Airport.

The ride was amazing.  I was surprised to find myself intrigued.  I've paddled under the Tsing-Ma Bridge many times but that was the first time I actually used the bridge.  It was still dark out and everything was still so quiet.

I tried to fall asleep on the bus; the rocking of the bus and the train helps me sleep sometimes... but not today.  The scenery was interesting enough; but I had other things on my mind.

From Tai Po Market, I took a bus to Tai Mei Tuk.  There, I laid down on a stone bench just in front of the sea; and stared into the 9-goddesses mountain bathing under the rising sun, across from this small, calm stretch of water.  

The goddesses ... it's silly, but I wondered if Chinese believe dead women with good confucian values become faeries or goddesses the way good Catholics become saints.  I didn't spend a lot of time watching grandma yesterday.  Her body was covered; but her face was so bony and waxy, I could hardly recognize her.  She used to be such a strong, plump, vivacious woman; but now, she is just this pink, waxy, decorated figure.

But that waxy figure isn't death.  I think that's what bothers me.  I still don't know what her death means to me; I still can't put my finger on it.  

I lost my uncle a few years ago, and only now do I start to really appreciate what I have lost.   His death wasn't what laid in his coffin either.  His death was the undoing of our family unity.  Aunt is no longer the subservient housewife, she lashes out in angry outbursts.  My cousins no longer feel the need to be respectful to elders, they become cold and aggressive and harsh to the woman who loved and nurtured them since their birth.   Where there used to be respects and maybe love and joy, now it's just filled with so much resentments.   Where there used to be kinship and friendship and love, now it's just a bottomless abyss.

At uncle's funeral, I tried really hard to cry to be polite; but I just couldn't generate the tears.  Somehow, there on the stone bench of Tai Mei Tuk, I called out "popo," [grandmother] and my voice broke, and I cried violently like a lost and desperate baby.

I still don't think I understand what her death means to me, but what I failed to do in the funeral home, I managed in a cradle made of stones and sea and mountains.  I said my farewell, I shed my honest tears, and I found out in the end, I did love her after all.

Family Feud 

No, I don't mean the stupid game.  I mean the bitter quarrels between family members.

I came home 12 hours too late to see my grandmother.  So today, I went to her funeral instead.

Since this kettle didn't even make it to her grandma's sick bed; I really shouldn't complain about my black-pot relatives.  But still, it's darn low to call my family in the middle of all these to argue about who should handle our grandpa's ashes.  

When it comes to inheritances, it's "yep, yep, thanks.  We're the sole male line in the family.  We will take all the properties."

When it comes to health care, funeral services and cemetery arrangement, it's, "father said you should handle it before he passes away."

"We already applied but there are long waiting lists for all cemeteries in Hong Kong.  If you don't want to keep it in your apartment we can bring it back to our ancestor's house."

"But our father wanted to remove grandpa's ashes from our ancestor's house before he passed away."

"Well, then keep it in your apartment."

"But our father said he wants you to find a place in the cemetery before he passed away."

Well, I, for one, would like to know, whether uncle wanted them to starve grandma before he passed away.  

Whether he told them to shout at grandma and shake a finger an inch from her nose and scream at her until grandma breaks down and cries on and on, before he passes away.  

Whether uncle instructed them to tell security, "call her other relatives, she is none of our business," when she had a stroke, before he passes away.

They are happy to quote uncle when it's convenient to them; yet manage to disregard everything he said about family value and respects for elders.  In fact, they even managed to disregard our rental contracts.  We paid rents for their apartment as a storage space in HK while we were in Canada.  But when they moved to HK to look for work, they were happy to live in the apartment that my family was paying for; demand us to continue to pay, AND ask us to move the boxes out . 

I just can't believe these are the cousins I grew up with.  We made naughty rhymes together as kids; had secret meetings to outsmart adults in elementary school; spend countless nights talking and crying together until we fall asleep as teenagers, lamenting over chinese parenting, over cultural conflicts between the generations, over boys and betrayals.  When my little cousin left her family for college, I cried for her.  I knew what it's like to leave your family behind, and I never ever want her sad or lonely.  I loved her as though she was my own sister.

Yet now, they are angry, cold, cruel strangers.  A part of me still want to deny the cruelty that I witnessed.  It's easier than to accept that my beloved little cousin is capable of it.  Over and over again, I have to wonder what happened to them.  Didn't we grew up together?  What was it that I missed?  You know, I'm darn poor.  I haven't got any car or house; all I've got is a couple of old, battered kayaks.  But I'm just glad to have my family.  I don't want to be like ... them.  I don't want to be angry at the world.

Sunburn is the best sleeping pill

I've not been able to sleep well for a long time.  So I was pleasantly surprised when I fell asleep on the bus and the ferry on my way back to Disco Bay.

I was windsurfing in Stanley today.  The wind wasn't awfully strong (maybe BF 3 or 4), but it was rather gusty, and I was a bit greedy to get the 5.4 meters sail.  I did okay near shore, but once I was in the open, I kept getting overpowered.  Wasted a lot of time and energy pulling the sail out of the water, and when I got close to Cape D'aguillar, I saw a huge, grey sealiner with "cosco" printed on the hull.  I was really very very far from the monster, but I was petrified.  Lamma channel isn't so far from this Cape; the geographical proximity to my previous accident site just had me short circuited and stunned.  I wonder how I would ever be able to cover these channels on a kayak again. 

Anyway, I managed to get some very minor sunburns, and I'm sore from head to toe.  So yes, YES, I'm definitely ready for a good night sleep.

The Ocean is Teasing

It's rather cruel that I've gotten SOOO close to the water, but somehow can't get in.

Yesterday, Squid from Geoxpat came over to check out DB with me.  There are many tried and true trails in DB for pleasurable hikes, but I just had to inflict Sam Pak Wan on him.  

It's not that the trail to Sam Pak is difficult to walk, it's just that there was no trail to begin with =_=;;  We trespassed construction sites (saw a zebra there!) and attacked the bushes.  Quite possibly picked up a few ticks on our way too (just kidding squid, it's not tick season yet.), we finally made it to the "exclusive" beach that is ... filled with garbage.

Squid was a good sport though, didn't seem to mind getting his suit dirty.  I'm sure he would think twice about exploring anything with me again.  But the food was good; since I just got back from Japan,  I can't even say anything was over-priced.  Oh, and I'm sure Squid had a good time watching me sweat and weep as I enjoyed my "mildly spicy" Thai food.  (I had to drink like a fish!)

Today, (Thursday) I went to Sai Kung.  I was going to windsurf; but Fred caught me just in time -- he's heading to the oil rig again and won't be back for another 20 days or so.  So I have to be orientated with his place and his gears before he leaves.  I was hoping to surf in the afternoon after seeing Fred off, but alas, the HK Observatory issued the thunderstorm warning.  The last thing I need is to get zapped on my first trip in 2009.

Oh well, it was fun hanging out with Loshu and Chuchu anyway.  It feels good when you aren't doing anything other than sitting with them, and they love you to bits.  Animals are so easy to get along with; I wish humans were more like that.

Farewell to grandma

I unilaterally terminated my contract in Japan in order to come home and see my dying grandmother; and to give my grieving mother moral support.  Since I'm not particularly close to my grandmother, I'd say the second item on the agenda was more important.

I just found out my grandmother passed away on Monday.  Not that I loved my job -- had a love/hate relationship with it -- but I don't understand why my mother couldn't have told me so when I e-mailed her to ask about the hospital visitation schedule.  The new gaijin teacher in my company turns out to be a nutjob, I could have stayed in Japan and extended my contract if I knew.

Oh well, I'm too sleep-deprived to be pissed off.  Tomorrow is another day...

Korean Airport

Currently waiting for my flight in KIA. Got five hrs to kill so perfect timing to catch up with blogging.

Sunday

Spend Sunday night with Giny and Keiko in the Pirate Pub. I only had one Martini, but the lack of sleep was probably responsible for my complete lack of inhibitions. I'm assuming Captain Jack didn't speak enough English to understand what we were discussing or he would not have been so hospitable. Ah well, I'm leaving Japan anyway, so I'm allowed to be rowdy. There in the pub, I suffered a severe bout of verbal diarrhea , and I think Keiko got quite embarrassed because Giny and I were loudly repeating the sexual/ anatomy words she was teaching us to say in the pub. She kept hushing us, but being a teacher used to preaching to a large audience, I forgot how to speak quietly :p~

You would thinking 3 hours of verbal diarrhea would be enough for someone as anti-social as I am, but alas, I went home that night commited to finish packing, but somehow I ended up staying up to chat online with Pat instead.(well, we talked for four hrs anyway.) The way I was going, you'd think I've lived on a desert island for 10 years.

Finally finished packing and cleared out of my hosue. Funny how I finished in a few hours what I failed to do in two weeks; I guess it's easier when you don't have to decide whether you're going to need an item for the next two weeks -- you just throw everything into the bin. (That's where my nightmare begins, BTW.)

Yesterday was intense: students wanted to hang around after classes to say goodbye; staff wanted to catch up on latest gossip (re Marc the crazy American dude whom I was supposed to train.) I had to run errands like going to the bank and library (finally returned I_am_a_Cat... still not finished with it either, it's so irritating.), wait for the gas/hydro/water people to turn off the valve so I can pay my final bill, hunt down my boss to get my final pay check...

Oh, and the water valve got turned off in the morning! It's gross enough that I had to drag myself to school without a shower or brusing my teeth; but I actually couldn't flush the toilet... O_O;; Eventually, the water in the vase had to do the "honor" ... but think of my poor tulips...

Boss held me up in the office late into the night to train the Japanese staff to take over my classes ... It's just so ridiculous. She knows how much I have to do; could have asked me to train the staff any time within the last two months (I gave notice right after X'mas), but she waits till the last minute. Boss complained about how I didn't write anything down about my lessons and next teacher wouldn't know what to do... so I had to go through the notebook to disprove her venomous statement. I quite understand if she speaks NO English and couldn't decipher my lesson notes, but duh, she even accused me of not writing down the date. And I thought the Japanese were at lease literate enough to read numerals.

Packed under the moonlight until 2:30, then intruded my presence upon Keiko's hospitality. I'm still under the weather and don't care to sleep on the bare floor of my apartment without the radiator.

Takako took me to the bus terminal in the morning; nice of her, really. Otherwise I have no idea how I would get all my baggages to the bus station.

Right now... I have a murderous headache. My sinuses and are blocked with thick mucus, and my ears simply refuse to pressurize.

Batteries of PC trying to die, I guess I have to put an end to my verbal diarrhea for now!