Insomnia Again

I don't know what is it; maybe it's just nerves of relocation again. Maybe it's the new brand of tea I have been drinking for the last week or so. I haven't been able to sleep for 3 nights in a row. Actually, I have been having troubles getting sleep for over a week now, but a week ago, I was still getting some sleep at night; I only stayed up late voluntarily, staring at maps of Hong Kong longingly and making trip plans. Now, I can't get any sleep even if I try.

I was so tired yesterday morning, I fell asleep while I was riding to Mashiko with Osamu san. In fact, I was so very tired, I fell asleep on our way back too. It's rather embarrassing; you just don't snore in front of your male coworkers in Japan! On the brighter side, it means I am getting some sleep, even if it is only in transit.

I also fell asleep on the train yesterday, riding from Imaichi back to Utsunomiya. I fell asleep again today on my way to Suzume. You know, this is awfully familiar. I was exactly like this back when I was working nightshifts. I used to sleep on the minibus and MTR, and I would know exactly when to wake up -- not a minute too soon, and not a minute too late -- without fail!

I thought I worked night shift by choice before, but then again, maybe my body can't handle sleeping at night. I know sleeping adequately is very important, I get grumpy when I am sleep-deprived. Today, I actually felt nauseated, dizzy, and cold; and I snapped at a kid for trying to rough-house with me at the end of the class, and I'm feeling pretty ashamed of myself. This is all too familiar, I lived like this for 2 years, back in the days when I used to work full time at night and then play in the water from sunrise till sunset, scraping only about 2 to 3 hours of sleep a day in transit and during lunch break.

But I don't want this anymore. I used to thought of sleeping as a waste of time, but I am older now, and I know my body better, I need my sleep. The trouble is getting them.

On the brighter side of things, despite being so tired and sleep deprived, I have finally mastered the discipline of dragging myself to work on time. I used to be late regularly, working as an underpaid interpreter. But it's not very becoming for a teacher to be late, and I am almost proud to say that I've only been late twice this year, due to fucked up schedule-change, and trains-delay due to "jinshinjiko" (i.e. somebody killed himself by jumping in front of a passing train.)

I'm going to try to get a nap before I go back to work at 3pm. But then again, I already know I am going to fail...