Funny how I am in Japan -- the nation with most blogger per capita in the world. I have noticed that I don't blog as much as I used to.

Anyway, 2008 is finally over! So we really should celebrate, because it's not like things can get any worse. Since I am not counting down with loved ones in Timesquare, nor am I camping and dancing under moonlight with crazy roommates, I thought I would at least blog for a change.

Just some random thoughts...

I like most of my students, I even like the ones that I used to hate -- the ones who tried to shove their sneaky fingers up my butt, the ones who obscenely call out "hello baby" everytime I stepped into the kindergarten (no doubt they learnt it from crayon shinchan...,) the little freak who lifted up my skirt and showed my panties to the whole classroom full of 3 years old, the kids who chased me across the classroom to grab my breasts, looked me in the eyes and said "oppai," (as if I needed the anatomy lesson...) the boy who kept saying "domestic violence" and giving me the middle finger gesture... it's not so long ago that I hated them with white-rage and I fantasized murder. But I am rather fond of them now. Like the fox said to the little prince, there are so many little children in the world you can't cry for all of them. But the ones YOU've tamed, they are worth crying for when it's time to leave.

Right, little children. The world is a mess. What's the chance that these well-fed, properly and tenderly cared-for children will grow up into decent humans, only to have their government place their worthless life in battlefields? I cringed at first sight of the Gaza war photos, of lil children bleeding and screaming, but then again, I can't come up with any sympathy. Surely the Hamas militant knew this will happen when they continued to fire their rockets? Maybe they thought it would be useful to them for the whole world to see their bleeding children. I wished CNN had the decency to warn you of bloody gore photos before you enter their main page; I surely didn't want to see what I saw. Maybe they thought if the bloody pictures scream loud enough; we won't notice it's the Hamas that chose to put their defendless subjects on the warpath on purpose.

I used to hate Americans (don't mind me, American-hating is the national sport for Canadians), and I surely don't love them now. But now that the empire is a little down, I can't help but to notice the rising violences around the globe. Is this mere coincidence? For a moment or two, it looked like China or India or Russia was going to rise and shine, and I was really really worried about that -- as much as I didn't like American as superpower, I am positively terrified of the idea of China or (god forbids...) Russia to become the next superpower. So you would think, the perfect solution is to have no hegemony, to have decentered, multiple powerful nations ... but alas, now that it looks like a distinct possibility, it's also becoming apparent that WWIII can happen within our lifetime.

Wish I have the political intelligence of the fictitious Peter Wigging. Speaking of, I am mostly passing my winter vacation in peaceful isolation, rereading novels like Ender's Game and Jin-Yung, and occasionally reading a random chapter of Foucaults when I wanted light readings.

That's my life now; sitting quietly to fantasize about advantures, instead of having advantures myself. I am definitely feeling older. Maybe even old. Some of my students (usually the precocious 9 year olds) address me as "Lia-chan;" I don't exactly expect them to look up to me with fearful respects, but still, -chan? The part I hate most about my job is to discipline. I can't remember ever respecting authority in my life, and now I am scolding children for being impolite or reckless, for acting without any thoughts of consequences. (this from someone ticketed and fined for firing arrows at rabbits on campus!) The deminishing ego inside me squirms uncomfortably every time I have to reprimand. It would have been unethical not to act when children misbehave, this obligation means the children control my behavior -- if they decide that they aren't getting enough attentions, they will just have to misbehave, and I am obliged to entertain them. Sometimes I find myself directing my anger at the children, when in reality, I am just angry at the obligations.

Hmm, getting older means...? My grandma is 86 and had a stroke a few weeks ago. Of course you don't need to be 86 to get a stroke; and you don't need to get a stroke to die. All the same, I don't have forever to get to know my grandmother, the brave woman who survived the war and the loss of her precious sons. What a shame, she's only got daughters now. I know she was heartbroken when my uncles died; but I don't think I ever managed to forgive her for her blatantly sexist attitude. Confucious was a Janice-faced monster. My relatives and father would disown me if they ever catch me saying this, but in a perfect confucian social order, there is no place for women who don't worship penises. I am teetering between convincing myself to rush home and hush around her sickbed while I still have the chance, and telling myself that grandma never cared much for me.

So, I am going to wait and see how that pans out. I am half tempted to extend my contract and continue my easy works with the finally-tamed little beasts; but I also want to move to coastal Japan, rent a house by the seaside, and either buy a kayak, or join one of the local clubs, or do both. I am also starting to consider relearning French. If WWIII really is going to break out, I better see Europe before it's blasted away with WMD.

Finally, happy NY to you all!

-Lia