Pacing myself

Ever since I signed the contract, I have been able to relax, perhaps too relax?

I don't think I am alone in this, the lack of stress in itself can be a great source of stress. Having some quiet time after the hectic if exciting move to Japan is good for a while, but it's starting to feel stagnate.

A few days ago (29th), I went jogging with Sara, the new French housemate. She is 24, a bit older than the general population of the guesthouse, and we got on really well. We became fast friends talking about traveling, academic trends, environmental issues, and investment/economy -- topics that would be boring to the rest of my housemates.

I haven't jog/run since university. And I suck at it; back when I was training in karate, I even resorted to low tactics like cutting corners when we were made to run outside the dojo in the snow... so much for building characters u_u;; Anyway, I really don't understand what made me decide to go this time, but I did.

We walked from our guesthouse to the Meiji jingu, there were a lot of trees, dirt roads and creeks; the entire environment reminds me of the little piece of virgin forest on UVic campus. There were a lot of tourists too; we found a quiet corner, did some stretching (she thought I was really athletic because of my extreme flexibility. I didn't bother to tell her that my flexibility has more to do with the fact that I am a certifiable freak of nature ...)

Then we started jogging. As soon as we started, she said to me, "you won't last long if you run like that." I was a little embarrassed, if not insulted. (to be told I won't last long by a heavy-smoker!) But she was right, I am really bad at pacing myself. I tried to slow down, but as soon as I zone out, I think about something exciting, and I pick up the pace again, and I have to come back to the presence and tell myself to pace myself.

We passed by some ponds and fields with sakura blossoms and a variety of other trees, it was gorgeous. Since we didn't have specific plans to go anywhere, Sara just let me lead the way, and I naturally followed all the signs that point me to a certain dojo :-)

When we got near the dojo, there were a lot of young men in dogi and hakama; turns out there's a kyudo tournament that day. I wished I wasn't jogging with a friend at that point; because I really wished to stay and watch the competition. I love martial arts; not because they are of any use in self-defense situation, but just because of the great degree of commitments and dedications to discipline and grace. I spend a great deal of my youth defying and struggling against authorities and the idea of discipline, but as I get older now, I start to really appreciate discipline. For example, if I didn't have the discipline to train regularly in kayaking, I wouldn't have the knowledge, skills and confidence to explore HK freely with my trusty Alatl and Fred's Indian Summer. I managed to enjoy a small tastes of freedom at the cost of a lot of time, resources and disciplines.

After we jogged pass the dojo, we passed by a box with two security dudes in uniform. They came up to us to tell us that we are not allowed to run (hashiru) in the jingu area. We jogged in place to listen to them babble; Sara was probably trying to play dumb and just kept saying "what?" But the security dudes kept saying again and again to me that jogging isn't allowed here (in Japanese), so I jogged in place to ask them where can we jog then, but they just kept repeating themselves in Japanese.

Finally, I stopped jogging in place, and they walked away.

As soon as they turn their backs, we started jogging again. How stupid is that? They didn't even bother to turn around to look to see if we were really following their orders; they just wanted to see that they have to authority to make us stop for them.

Anyway, after that, we jogged to Yoyogi koen. There were also signs in the koen that prohibits jogging, but nobody bothered to stop us this time; and we jogged on.

I don't know how much longer I kept jogging, but I was starting to hit the wall, and I knew I was hitting the wall way too soon. I blame it on the stupid security officers that made us stop; my stamina tends to drop sharply once I take a break, even when I am kayaing (which is why I don't stop for lunch when I do solo trips) My ego made me go on a bit more, I kept repeating Tat-sensei's words in my head, 「稽古は苦しいものだからこそ、続く価値があるんです。」 (Precisely because it makes you suffer, training is valuable... a definite statement of sadomasochism, but that's probably true with most sports.) but even that didn't push me very far. Finally, I told her I am going to stop and I will meet her back in the guesthouse. How humiliating! My CP function doesn't measure up to that of a smoker!

But I am glad I did, I was able to explore Yoyogi koen on my own. As much as I bitch and moan about feeling lonely when I travel, coming down to it, I do best when I am alone. Later that day, I went back to the koen with Kyla. She was supposed to meet her school friends at the park but she doesn't know how to get there. So I went with her; but I spend the whole time wishing I was alone. (And I did leave her after I say hi to her friends... I suck at entertaining a lot of strangers.)


In 10 days, I will be an English teacher. it makes me think about a lot of things, mostly work ethics, but also about pacing myself. A lot of people tell me that I speak too fast; James and my interviewers also think I speak too quickly for my potential students to understand. I have taught English before, and when I am reading from a textbook, I purposely speak slowly; but when I get excited, when I am thinking fast, I also speak quickly. I don't know how, but somehow, I have to remember to pace myself.