A quick lesson on cultural sensitivity

Well, actually, two lessons learned.

First, people are "mean" to dogs and cats for some reasons, possibly "good" reasons.

There is a dog tied up under the brunga in our garden; nobody ever pets that dog; children seem curious about it enough, but when the dog tries to approach them, they run away screaming and crying. Even adults have tumbled away in fear, as if this small, skinny, young puppy has rabbies.

It turns out, according to the Koran, dogs are "kotor" (dirty) and if someone so much as touches a hair of the creature, s/he is not allowed to "sorat" (sp?) (i.e. worship in a mosque) for a week; even if you disinfect your hands with bleach. I thought that was pretty ridiculous at first, but coming to think about it, they probably think I am ridiculous when I flinch and run and sometimes scream when a big bug flies within a ft of my face.

As with the cat... well, I have yet another story to tell. After I trained the kids to be more "humane" to these kittens, one day, I was sitting on the floor watching TV with them (kids and kittens), Raisa was eating ayam-kaki (chicken feet) when she suddenly stands up and screams for her dad, something about "dimakan kucing" (eaten by cats). I look and thought she gave the kitten some chicken bones and thought to myself, "that's nice." Turns out she was mad that the kittens were eating the bones on the floor... so she gave the kitten a half-ass kick, not hard, definitely with some restrains this time, and she looks at me guiltily and gave me a tentative smile. I frowned right away. I scolded her, "kalau tak mau dimakan kucing, jangan kasih kucing." (If you don't want your food eaten by the cats, don't give it to them!) Raisa looks at me with a very troubled face, like she wasn't sure what to say or do, but then her brother says, "tidak kasih, kicing ambil" (not give, the cat just took it.) I was speechless. If you put your food on the floor, obviously you mean to give it to the cat, yeah???

It took a minite or so for me to realize that Indonesian always eat on the floor, and at that point, I felt like a complete ass, scolding a little girl when *my child* (the kitten) has behaved badly. I am probably known as the crazy cat-lady from HK by now. (yes, I actually pick up those stinky, smelly, fleas-infected creatures and kiss them every day. I even let them snuggle up to my face when we sleep.)

That's the first lesson. The second lesson isn't so specific to cultural sensitivity, but rather, it reminds me of something L-sensei (karate sensei) once said to me,

"Opinion is like an asshole -- everyone has one, and usually it stinks."

Thats right, I feel like an a-hole. After making a self-righteous post about my "mission" to "reeducate" the children to be nice to animals, I realize I am the ignorant one. But then, the real lesson here is that cultural sensitivity is easy on paper, but not so easy in practice. You usually don't know find out you are being an ass until after the fact. So, I think, I will probably be a little less cynical and critical about the missionaries and the anthropologists, and a little less racist towards the Americans.

Speaking of racism... I bought three dictionaries by now, each being progressively more expensive, and none is all that good. Well, actually, the third one seemed really good to me until one night, when Dedy and I were chatting, and he asks me why I don't have "mata sipit," naturally, I didn't know what a sipit is, so I told him to look it up in the dictionary. He did, and I was shocked. In the dictionary, it says, "CHINK-eyes."

No, I kid you not, the word CHINK was casually used in a dictionary, w/o so much as a quote/end-quote, as if it's a very normal part of English dictionary, Maybe *I* am wrong, but as far as I understand, the word "chink" is a very racist word against Chinese, kind of like the word (pardon me) "nigger" or "cracker" or "parky." (ahem.)

Deddy didn't understand why I was so surprised (I actually found it pretty funny), so I tried to tell him that it's a racist word, but I didn't know how to say racist, so I look it up in the dictionary, and apparently, the word "racist" is not in any of my three dictionaries.

I guess, in a country where racism is not an issue, there is no reason for the word to show up in any dictionary. BTW, when I say racism is "not an issue," I don't mean that there is no racism here and people of all ethnicity cohabit peacefully, what I mean is that racism, the discrimination of people base on their race or ethnicity, is not considered immoral in this country. If you look at Indonesian's history, and its current transmigration policies, you can probably appreciate that discrimination based on race is common place. Is red not really red if you don't call it red? According to my friends, the Irianese and people of Kalimantan are "still pretty primative," they are also quite judgemental about their wardrobes ... filled with penis gourd, each for a different mood and occasion. I guess these are honest comments, and I don't know if I like them any less just because of their perception of the Irianese, but I think, these are classic expression of racism.



So for now, chatting at a brunga, visiting relatives, playing with children, cooking/ baking and memorizing the dictionary makes up the bulk majority of my life; don't I sound SO domesticated? That said, I think I am having a bit of a better understanding of the third wave feminism. I once said that I think my neighbour's hubby is "hot," because he is not afraid to take over the women's chore and stay home to look after the garden, the chickens and the children, well, I was wrong, maafkanlah.

Ibu Uni has been sick for 7 days now and she didn't go to worshipping with the rest of her family after dinner, so I stayed home with her to help her apply the "traditinal Lombok medication for headache" (which freaks me out, but that's another story). We have chatted a lot and she told me about her family, herself, and most amusingly, her opinion of her husband.

She told me her little sister is not yet married, and I told her I DON'T EVER want to get married. Micaela had warned me not to say that to any Indonesian, as they won't understand and it would be a huge scandal... but what the hell, I said it anyways. And to my surprise, Ibu Uni said in response, "I told my little sister don't even think about getting married, and the same to you now. Next time you think about getting married, just take a look at me." She told me how poor they are since her husband quit his job, how life was good when she still lived with her parents, how well off her siblings are when they aren't married, and how life would be "enak" (nice) if only Dedy was gone. Uni told me that Dedy is really lazy, which he himself admits. He "can't do anything except eat and play and sleep," I ask, since he doesn't work, why not take over the domestic chores and do the cooking and shopping? Uni says he can't cook and he doesn't want to learn. Apparently, he can find jobs if he goes to Jakarta, but he doesn't want to leave the children in Lombok and Jakarta isn't a good place to raise children. Ibu Uni appear to be a really strong super woman to me, in the sense that she is not afraid to tell her husband off and she has the economic power in the family. But even so, she says she is shy (malu) to ask for financial help, "because she has a husband." She says, if she was a man, she won't be shy about asking her parents or siblings for help, since they are quite well off (they are all teachers, doctors, and dentists). But apparently, it is not proper for a woman to borrow money when she has a husband, even though she is the only source of income for the family.

And, despite all that, Dedy still wants to move to a bigger house... currently, they stay in one of the rooms in the family compound here, it's owned by his brother in law (a Dutch man who now conducts research in Ache) and they are allowed to stay here for free. It's almost funny, looking at Dedy asking for money for petrol and getting yelled at by his wife. I find it a little baffling that a woman as powerful as Ibu Uni even have to summit to the cultural normalization of submissive, domesticated women, who have to do all the cookings and shopping and child-caring, and who have to be shy to ask for help out of "respect" for her husband, even though in my eyes, in daily interaction, she seems to be the leader of the family.

Theories aside... if there is a god, allow me to say this:

DEAR GOD, DO NOT PUT ME TO THE TEST, BUY DELIVER ME FROM THE CHILDREN!


Most of you already know that I hate kids and I fear kids, to the point where I would cross the road if I see one coming. But fate has it that I always live with kids ever since I left HK for Canada, and currently, in Lombok.

I can no longer tell you about my life without introducing the children... I have already talked about Raisa, so this time, lets take a look at Raihan.

Raihan is a toddler who is not quite two yet. She is still breast feeding and if there is only one thing I can tell you about it, then I would say, she likes to cry. Even children younger than Raihan don't cry nearly as much as Raihan; she cries WHENEVER she wakes up, or when she isn't getting what she wants, or even if you so much as say "jangan" (don't) or "tidak boleh" (not allowed) to her.

I can't really tell whether Raihan likes me or not. Ever since I got mad at her for hitting the kitten, she has been quite nice to them, and she won't stop bringing me the kittens... That's cute, and she knows crying doesn't work on me, just because she cries doesn't mean I will relent, UNLIKE everybody else. (yes, my heart is made of rocks.) So she tends to try other strategy, for example...

One day, I was diligently sitting on a bamboo mat on the floor, trying to memorize the dictionary. Raihan comes running to me, which she does often. I beamed her a smile and continue to stare at the dictionary, ignoring her. Out of the cornor of my eyes, I see that she is pulling her pants down... no problem, kids here aren't exactly shy about nudity, I am used to having naked kids running around me by now. But what I didn't expect, is for her to squat down next to me and pee on the bamboo mat.

Any child=psychologist here can tell me what she is trying to say to me? I just don't get it. I was shocked, grossed out, traumatised. I swear, I will die before I will have a kid. God-bless abortion.



But, human are adaptable. Even I get adapted to life here, including the heat and the children. I am basically back to good health; I no longer feed the kids the meat on my plate (and instead, I give it to the cats) and got the doxycycline figured out. Ramadan will be over in 4 days, and I have only fasted for 7 days so far... my habit of taking medications first thing in the morning makes it impossible for me to skip breakfast, I have already blogged about what happened to me the last time I tried to take my anti-malaria pill on empty stomach. I have also gotten used to having to constantly apply mosquito repellents, I forgot it once and within an hour, I got 6 mosquito bites. I have also developed something of a killer reflex against mosquito... it is now dangerous to put anything breakable in my hands, because I will drop ANYTHING, including MD player, food, children, kittens, book, money... ANYTHING at once, when I see anything flying out of the corner of my eyes, so I can give it a quick slap; I firmly believe mosquito-killing is a noble sport.

As with music, Radja is definitely "king of K-songs," For some reasons, there are a lot of TV programmes showing people's weddings, and on many occasions, they played Radja's Jujur in the background, which, I think, is kind of trippy. Maybe I misunderstood the lyrics, but I think, the song is about a guy telling a girl to F'off, "get away from me, forget about me... forever." Why would you play it in a wedding... except that it's a K-song that EVERY indonesian can sing? I still like the Radja, though I also enjoy PADI and Peterpan now. I can't handle musics by the female singers though, they sound too ... waif, and there are too many "air-mata" "mimpi" "sendiri" etc in the lyric, it's driving me crazy.

Watching anime dubbed Indonesian is even more trippy, especially old animes that I watched when I was a kid, such as Doraemon and Captain Tsubasa.

In a few days, after puasa is over, I am going to start TaeKwanDo (sp?) training with the teenage son next door. Apparently there is a school near the airport. Thanks to my lucky star, I always wear my karate pants, and I even bought it along with me, so hopefully I won't have to buy the TKD uniform. I aml feeling more and more out of shape and I seriously miss Aikido and Karate trainings. I am really looking forwards to it.