Personal Space

I felt like crap yesterday. I think, being constantly surrounded by so many people in Tokyo is really getting to my nerves. I am sick of being polite to people; I am sick of all the ritualized gestures of politeness that is (to me) over the top and maybe not even sincere; and it doesn't help that I have to share a room with a roommate now, which means, I almost never ever have personal time, I am constantly trying to adjust and adapt my lifestyle into some else's schedules and quirks. I feel as though, I don't even know who I am anymore.

But, isn't it so wonderful to be a grown up? I like traveling alone, not because it's all freedom and hee hee ha ha, but because of times like this, when you are in the pit, but you just have to pick yourself up and walk on with what is left of you. It doesn't sound so wonderful, but I think it's time like this that makes me feel confident about myself and enables to take on bigger advantures. Like when I got caught in the dumpsurf zone in the dark in Tung Ping Chau last year -- you just know there is nothing left to do but to focus on survival, and at the end, when I came out alive, I knew that I didn't just survive, I've won the game.

Today, I'd like to curl up in bed and remain miserable; I'd like to take a box of tissue and cry my eyes out in the nearest park. But instead, I pick up what is left of myself, adjust my pace, and take a baby step forward at a time. I stayed in Tung Ping Chau until noon after the dumpsurf incidence, I am allowed to slow down at times. At the end, it would all work out. It has always worked out for me.

I have got two e-mails that are asking for interviews for teaching English, and one more e-mail from Pasona groups which I couldn't read, because the Japanese fonts all turned into bakeji. Really, this is the best news I've received since I arrived Japan! I gotta cheer up ^__^

Better yet, James and maybe Andrew and Richard are coming out for a drink in Shinjuku tonight. I hope they can both come, I am really looking forward to it.

Got errands to run now, can't hide in the cave forever, babe...

-Lia