My Village Boyfriend-To-Be

For some mysterious reasons, everyone in the village seem to think I am dating Asbi, to the point where it seems like a good idea for me to bring a boy from a different village and kiss him in front of my door, so to tell the entire world that I am NOT in love with Asbi.

Tha boy I bought home was Liz...

I was bored out of my skull when Asbi first introduced me to Liz. Liz is an excellent musician, naturally, I was very happy to meet him. I think, I admitted to myself I really like Liz when he played "echa" in my house. Or maybe it was when he was ambushed by mosquitoes while playing guitar that I noticed he was really cute... I don't know how that happened, but somehow, I think I have became Liz's girlfriend... or so I want to.

One night, Liz walked me home, he held my hand, then lets go, then held my hand again... then we sang "tulus" together, I am not sure if he was asking me whether I cherish him, or if he was just singing one of my favorite Indonesian pop songs. That night, we almost kissed; a passerby provided a good excuse for me to stop him. "Dilihat!" [someone is watching!] I shouted, I guess I lived in a village long enough that I am starting to fear the power of surveillance, but more than anything else, I don't know if I am ready to kiss Liz yet. I know I like him, but a kiss? right now?

The morning after that, I went to latihan with Liz, it was a bit disappointing... Liz asked me to pay for all of his expenses and that didn't feel too good. Not that it was expensive for me, but I felt a bit like I am being used. What's more, at lunch, in front of all our friends, Liz playfully perked up his lips and tapped his finger on it while looking at me, as if to say, "kiss me," I rolled my eyes at him and flatly turned him down. Am I just a show off for him?

I now have a lot of thinking to do. I like Liz, and when the villager ask me, I admit as much. When people ask if I want to marry him, I told them no, which is true enough, at least not right now, I am definitely not thinking about marriage.

I know I can't be in Indonesia for too long; I also know I like Liz enough to become his girlfriend if he wants it too; but I am chilled enough about it that I can pull myself out of it without feeling hurt... for now. So now, I am just being indecisive.

When Liz plays the guitar and sings, I adore him to bits. I also enjoy his company a lot; he has a great sense of humour, he never fails to make me laugh. But I am sailing to Papua in a few days, who am I kidding, obviously I shouldn't start dating a boy now...

I am really confused. >_<

-C