corruption or cultural sensitivity?

Here I am again, looks like I won't be leaving until 4th Dec, which gives me a chance to "latihan" at a music studio with Riz and Asbi before I go, yay!

On the nastier side of things, I am currently having a conflict with my Indonesian family; and I am still feeling really bad.

They wanted to "borrow" money from me to give "uang rokok" (tobacco money) to the police here; the problem is that they had never been able to return the money they borrowed from me throughout the last two months. In other words, I am asked to pay a bribe to the police even though verbally they say "minjam bukan minta." (borrow, not give)

Up until now, I've always forgiven their "loan;" when their teenager got really upset because his parents can't afford the expensive pair of shoes he wanted, I paid for it. When they get sick and they can't afford medications, I gave them mine. When they cannot pay their bill, or for gas, or food, I paid for it.

But this time, I insist they return the money. I feel like I have facilitated corruption by giving them the money. I mean, damn it, I feel angry enough that I have "loaned" them the money. They are really penniless; if I hadn't "loan" them the money, they would not have been ABLE to bribe the police. In short, I had personally allowed it to happen.

So I try to learn to be culturally sensitive, and here is where I draw the line: I know muslims can have 4 wifes and they are allowed to beat their wifes. As long as I don't have to marry one, I can keep my mouth shut, no problem. I know there is corruption in Indonesia, and I will keep my mouth shut as long as you don't ask ME to participate in it.

I read about a lot of the corruption tricks in S.E. Asia long before I arrived Indonesia; I make sure I do everything by the book so that immigration officials and polices will find no excuse to rip me off. No, seriously, you don't understand, I hate corruption like water hates oil. I will go an extra mile to make sure I don't get into a situation where I need to bribe my way out.

Pak Dedy made me sit down on a bench (which I find it somewhat patronizing) and gave me a lesson about "uang rokok." Damn it, I know the word "uang" and I know the word "rokok;" I don't need him to give me a lesson like I am some naive, uninnitiated child. He kept saying it's not corruption, and that corruption is when someone high up in the government gets several juta (millions?) under the table, like Suharto's little brother (?? He says adik suharto). So I shouted "bullshit" at him (in English, I don't know how to be angry in Bahasa Indonesian yet.) I told him corruption is corruption, regardless of how much or how little money is involved. He wouldn't pay them if they weren't police, and that's what makes it so wrong. People hired by the government to help the people are instead ripping people off on a regular basis, and you want to participate, and defend it by telling me it's not really corruption???? KISS MY ASS, but you are wrong. And YOU KNOW YOU ARE WRONG. Otherwise, why would you roll up MY money into a ball and hand it over by pretending to shake hands with the officer?? If it was the proper thing to do in Indonesia, why do you have to do it in secrecy???

Dedy gets angry at his friends when they don't fast during Ramahdan, or if they don't go pray in the mosque on Fridays; he thinks people are bad if they "gije gije" before they are married. Sure, these are all "sins" according to hukum muslim, but so is corruption, why isn't he angry at himself??

Pak Dedy even came to my school to get the English teacher to explain to me that "INI Indonesia" (THIS is Indonesia) and it's "memang bukan corrupsi," (clearly not corruption) and that I shouldn't be angry because this is Indonesia and not Canada, and everybody HAS TO do it. Ibu Yuni also makes sure I know that the polices won't come looking for money from our family if I wasn't living with them; they came harrassing us only because they think I am a rich tourist.

My Indonesian family had a hard time coming up with enough money to repay the loan, and they make sure I know what difficulties they are having because I won't forgive their loan this time. They told me maybe they will have to pawn their motorcycle, or maybe their kids have to stop going to school. Everyone in the house is pulling a long face right now and nobody wants to look at me. (except for the little ones; who still shout my name in excitements everytime they see me, and run up to me to give me a koala-bear hug. Bless them, I never thought I deserved so much love.) When Ibu Yuli counts all her coins and seribu notes to give to me, I feel like I am some awful rich bully ripping food from the very poor. But then right at the beginning, I already made it very clear that "saya tidak suka corrupsi, saya tidak akan kasih uang. Kalau kamu mau kasih, kamu baya." [I don't like corruption and I am not going to pay. If you want to give him bribes, you pay for it.] Sure, I don't want everybody to go crazy because of (to me) a small sum of money, but you know what? I don't care if they have to sell all their children to child prostitutions to pay me back, I think corruption is wrong and they shouldn't docilely encourage it, and I told them as much. If they don't like it, they can pay for it by their own resources.

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In more civilized language: I am still angry, mostly at myself for letting the transaction happen, but I am also puzzled that my family should be angry with me. "Home" is so depressing right now, I ended up hanging out in Asbi's house until late into the night, even though "no proper woman should be bold enough to visit a boy after dark."

I agreed to go to the market later today with Ibu Yuni, she keeps telling me she has no money for food, so I finally agreed to go to the market with her and pay for the groceries. In a way, I guess I am giving them the money back under the table. This is so weird, I am going through so much troubles just so I can tell myself "I didn't participate in corruption." It would have been so much easier if I just give them their money back; Ibu can then stop telling me how they have no money for everything, and everybody can smile and talk to me again. But, tempting as it is, I just can't do it.




As with my "muslim-village-boy" ... I don't know how that happened, this otherwise very shy and polite muslim-guru is now bold enough to fight with me in broad day light in front of people, or read porns with me, (he claims he is just admiring what beautiful things God can create!!) or go out playing on the street with me late into the night, or throw playful insults at me. One night, he told me, "saya mau jadi jahat sama Cordelia." (I am about to become a bad person like Cordelia) For some reasons I find that extremely flattering :) As usual, he likes to blurt out confessions about his interactions with his girlfriend, under the disguise of "learning English." So in response, I gave him very specific instructions about how to kiss a girl and make it romantic... and throughoutly enjoyed watching him squirm. Nothing good ever lasts in my hands. My "laki baik baik" (good boy) is now "rotten to the core" :)